Saturday, November 14, 2015

Piercing Flame of a Bleeding tears

Tears of blood stream down my face. Each painful step is closer to falling off the cliff. My long scarlet hair drapes over my hazel eyes. Breathing in the stale air burns my nose and lungs. How did I get here? I don't want to be here. It would be so much easier to disappear from this world. Peering over the jagged edge all that lay in front of me is a sea of shadows mocking and stares of disappointment. Every inch of my muscles jerked me forward in a jolt. Blackness consumes the very light I held so dear.

Well, that's how I have been feeling lately. Thinking of taking a whole bunch of pills so I could fall asleep and never wake up. I just don't want to struggle so much or to feel so much pain. Heaving over a toilet, having my lungs want to burst into a million pieces, and every muscle in my body ache. Since August I've been hurting because of an ulcer but now the past three weeks a sever cough has arisen. I cough so hard my throat swells and I throw up.

Also work has me in a tangle of all sorts. From the new policy that surely is not only going to have me fired but many more. Putting Jacob out of work for another week. They will burn. They will pay for hurting us. I can't tell you guys just yet of how, but trust me they will all go up in a blazing flame.

I heard my heart beat in ear so loudly, I surely thought everyone else could feel the earth shake. Soon as his eye met mine, I knew I may possibly be in danger. A guy I thought I could trust who shattered all of that and more with in one day. The physical and mental pain I once felt seeps out of every nerve. My body became frozen in place. I contacted Jacob once I got out of work with sobs. My hands shake as I grip the steering wheel. It wasn't until I got home when he hugs me and kisses my forhead trying to resure me if he even talks to me he will hurt him.

Finding some stuff out tonight going to my Besties Pagan party. There may be some stuff going on with my brothers and their wives....Also their life style. Won't get into it to much. All I can say I get a bad feeling. To the card reading, sure it sounded accurate as fuck, I make my own path and I sure as hell will fight back the best the can. I may feel down, but that's not going to stop me. My big brother, Georgie, taught me better. "Don't run from your problems. You have to face them to ever have resolved the problem." As long as my lovie, Jacob, is next to me I can do anything.
Life is fucking me over and I tell you, "Fuck yourself! I'm tired of this bullshit!" I will not lose to such a scum hanging over me like a shadow.

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