Heart Throbbing!

Mine and Jacobs relationship is different. It's hard to explain. Ever been so physically and emotionally attached to one person is as if they are you in a way. What is kind of funny We had several people tell us that Jacob and I look like brother and sister....We both have light brown hair and green color eyes. We also wrestle around and goof off like brothers and sisters I suppose. He is the main person I can trust with my life, with anything. I know he come home to me and give me hug and kiss.

Sometimes seeing others who have been in rocky relationships kind of scares me. Perhaps in my previous relationships they always ended badly, but this one is stronger than ever. If we have a problem we talk about it. If one of us is hurt or upset we try to sooth that by trying to put a smile on each others faces. It's so cute when he cuddles up to me when he falls asleep. His chiseled arm slumped over me while his light snores blow into my ear. I feel safe and secure being near him in any way. I feel as if he is my guardian angel here to protect me from everything.

I use to dream, yes literally dream of this guy always saving me from something. Weather it be from my own emotions or dangers that put my life at risk. Well, I think those dreams may of came true to an extent. I never got to see the guys face, but always felt happy and safe. I'm one lucky girl! Jacob puts up with my crazy ass. I hardly have those harsh put downs like I use to. I'm more confident in anything I do or say.

Sorry if this is so short. I had the urge to write this as well as wanting to distract myself from watching a scary movie....I don't like them much anymore. I rather not have more nightmares. I know that sounds stupid, but for me they can be very real.

 

Living It up!

I did it!! :) Thursday was my two weeks working at Butterball. There was several people who doubted me and stated, "It's a very difficult job". well duh! Any job can be hard, but you have to live with the fact a job is a job. If you want money and other things in life you need to work for it. Working there isn't that bad, to be honest. I've made a whole bunch of friends and also closer relationship with friends already. Also the fact in working with Jacob is AWESOME! The other day he came up behind me as I was putting stuff in my car, and kisses me. He told me, "now I have kissed you in the rain." There is also these Islanders who are always hitting on me....I'm just glad Jacob didn't see it because he would of gotten into a fight with them. Like This guy who Jacob works with told him my butt looks great....wrong thing to say. Jacob took the knight to his throat and said, "You, said what? That is mine, so stay away" It's cute when Jacob gets jealous.

Now we are looking to buy a house. I went to a real estate woman and my bank to talk to them about buying a house. For a hundred thousand dollar home we be paying around seventy seven dollars a month, but Jacob and I would be looking for a 19,000 or 80,000 dollar home. Both of us have applied for a credit card so we can have good credit. I'm finally getting a lap top. Hell yea! Now once I mentioned how much Big Brother makes we may end up moving to Pittsburg or Parsons Kansas to work with Big Brother. But that would be once we have plenty of money saved. I know the houses in Pittsburg are a bit more expensive. I know I have to be patient in buying a home. It's difficult because I'm very impatient with this stuff.

Fourth of July was amazing! The magic of the pretty colors light up the sky as I cuddle up next to Jacob. I wanted to make a memory of Jacob and I. Something that mean more than a previous relationship I was in, but this means so much more. His family is always crazy and fun to hang out with. We played volley ball, went swimming, they played Frisbee, and we all talked. Good thing is a lot of the young adults there are the people who Jacob and I grew up with. Angy Jefferies comes up to me and says, "Sorry if my mom takes your bf" I know she was trying to start shit. Everyone else was on my side and defended Jacob and I. In my head I'm like, "Ha, Bitch! Ha!" She did date a lot of Jacob's family...including her crazy ass sister who dated him. Which I despise, but oh well.

For all who are Doctor who fans...Go see the new Terminator movie. The 11th doctor is in it!! :) That was a badass movie! Big Brother, Mikayla, and I all watch it last night. Once we got home Big Brother was telling us stories of dad. They were funny! It's been a while sense we all hung out together! It felt nice! Next weekend hoping that I don't work Saturday GIRLS DAY! We are gonna go see Magic Mike 2 and go eat at Cici's! Perhaps go to the mall! Need a girls night!

Life is looking up for me right now. It feels great to be in control of my life and get my goals done! Can't wait to see what the future brings me! Hopefully Jacob puts a ring on it lol in two months it will be a whole year! I've never been so connected and in love with one person.

Rephaim vs Benedict Cumberbatch

The thought occurred to me late last night as I was trying to fall asleep. I look upon Jacob as a mixture of a Raven Mocker, Rephaim, and Sherlock Holmes, Benedict Cumberbatch. Black wings that cast a shadow beyond the stars. They can turn into fierce, sharp, blades ready to slaughter anyone who harms the ones he loves. But at the same time the wings act as a soft, penetrable shield which upon his Beloved can cuddle up next to. The light brown curls sway down in his blue eyes with a hint of grey tint. A personality vibrating brilliance and a savage way to take down enemies who stand a threat against his kin.

Many times Jacob has put himself in the line of fire to protect me or has threatens others if they hurt me...well very cruel words were said. In a way Jacob and Big Brother have same compassion to protect me beyond all faults. My older sister, Stephanie, told me once that my brother adored me and has me as his favorite. Now looking back I see I really am the favorite without realizing it. When I see Jacob and Big Brother talk about video games, Greek Gods, and Mythology I just smile from one ear to the other. 

The compound bow in hand ready to fire at will. My accuracy is dead along with how fast I draw the bow. One point of my life I was in Archery club but once my appendix busted that left me out of the game for a while. Before I even knew it the season was over. When I have plenty of money I will go buy myself a compound bow with arrows.

Money Whispers

For a while it will be stressful for both Jacob and I. Today I received a billing statement saying if I don't contact them in 30 days I would have to pay the full amount of 1200 something and I would be brought to court. Jacob found it absurd for them to take me to court. I only work part time, get paid every two weeks, and I make a 8.75 and hour. I don't make nearly enough to pay everything. I finally got the other doctor bill paid off. Finally, to say I have to pay insurance, phone bill, get my tags, get inspection on car, and whatever on sales taxes. To say I haven't even moved out yet and adult life has hit me hard. Thanks to Jacob though he has helped pay for many things.

Jacob and I was at Sonic talking about my bills. My frustration and red face was all needed for Jacob to kiss me while giving me a long hug. I was at breaking point, but with his embrace and millions of tiny kisses it eased all my worries. We ordered our food wishing our great buddy Draco would serve us. Oh well!

I feel this all will be a set back on moving out. I know I don't want to push the issue on Jacob, but just talk things out to see what best fits or what we come up with. Just ideas in general would be nice. I haven't got the courage to fully ask him yet. When I mentioned it to him earlier today he would be worried about moving out. I wouldn't blame him with my situation and our friends' situation.

Now for some positive side to things! Yesterday, was Jacob and mines ninth month together! It's almost a whole year being with an amazing best friend I love so dearly. He truly has helped in any way possible. Weather it be not wanting to see me cry or the simple fact of brightening my day. I don't know what I would do if he wasn't in my life....yes he can be a pain in my ass sometimes, but I love him so much. When my mom gives me those "Your not worthy" speeches Jacob is there to comfort me. When some punk ass kid decides to punch me in the face Jacob...well saying it nicely is wanting kid to disappear for doing such a thing to me. Its adorable and love how he gets even flustered over the thought of a guy approaching me wanting to flirt.

Saturday night was the most amazing night of my life! Jacob and I spent the night at a motel with an amazing swimming pool and Jacuzzi. Our Sweet was amazing! King size bed, flat screen tv, a couch, desk, table, two night stands, fancy bathroom, and free wifi with amazing HBO channel! After swimming I ended up falling asleep. Jacob laying next to me decides to poke my nose to wake me up....I swear he can be a pain sometimes lol TWICE he wakes me up. The little turd :) anime all night sounds good to me. Sleeping next to the goober had me feel safe and warm. To be honest I prefer if he could sleep by me every night, for the fact if I have nightmare he can make them go away some how. Also it's easier for me to fall sleep with him.

That night had me in the clouds, but now I must bring back reality. Time for me to go to bed because this day has given me a tiresome headache.
 

GOAL 1 ACCOMPLISHED!

well I met my goal very nicely :) I succeeded in getting my car! its 1999 maroon ford contour. everything works besides the driver side window that gets stuck and I need to fix gas gauge, but other than that it's a beauty. The other night, Jacob, Clayton (Jacob's cousin) and I all went to Joplin to go see spy. GAWD! I highly recommend going to go see that hilarious movie! Jacob is officially my GPS when going to places, especially at night because its more difficult for me to see at night. My car is also not a gas guzzler.

Monday I plan on putting my application in at Butterball. I already have my foot in the door because Jacob has talked to his supervisors and employees there about me. It starts at 11 something, which is awesome! After 60 days I get a pay raise and full dental, health, and vision. Once full time comes about I have decided to look for places to stay. Jacob and I have talked about it....he is a bit scared to be on his own, but we are ready to move out of our parents house. We are ready to start our lives together. This weekend we are watching over Jacob's brother's house. EAK! I'm excited!

I would tell you about the whole driving devils road three times, but that's for me to keep as my own sweet memory with the thrill of spookiness. Eventually after all my adventures and I settle down at my own place I will sit down and write it all down. For now I will give you a frustrating cliff hanger, like off of The Flash.

 P.S The Flash, A.K.A Grant Gustin....hehehe ;) one of these days I will meet you and Christian Bale!

2015 Graduation Twist!

Class of 2015 in lines of blue from A-Z with some girls wearing ridicules shoes. I'm chatting away with my computer geek Loyde and country boy Trever about cars and how excited we are to finally graduate. As I make my way forward, the crowds' cheers and many flashes had me feel excited and proud. I can see my parents, my older sisters, younger sister, and Aunt Cookie up in the risers waving and smiling with glee. My nerves were on over drive of happiness. This will be the day to remember. Each row inching their way closer to grabbing their diplomas. Finally came my row, which was third to last. I searched for my Beloved knowing he probably got lost in the crowd. I knew he had to be late because of work. Once my name was called over the microphone everything faded into a fog of slow motion. My friends and family there yelling at the top of their lungs for me.

"Don't cry. Don't cry. You got this. Don't cry," I repeated in my head.


The blue caps were thrown in the air while my family made there way down the stairs. Many warm hugs were given to me that night. I ended up crying anyways but what it was all worth I say let the rain fall! I finally reunited with my older brother Zackery who I haven't seen since I moved to Carthage when I was eight years old. Jacob in his oh delicious tux...shhh its our little secret that I find him so Handsome and Hot in his tux....which he also looks badass with the crossbone necklace tucked into his tie. Not to mention the fluctuous curls batting his hazel eyes with a hint of grey.

We all ended up gathering at my sister's home for cake and ice cream. Finding out Zackery is a part time truck driver, very good with that computer stuff, and ran his own t-shirt business. When I got home his card that he gave me smelled like Romance and The Stone. That place fits him very well of how he dressed and looked. Speaking of graduation gifts, all money I received is going toward my car! well since I'm a official DRIVER! lol one of these days I will learn how to drive a stick shift...one of these days.

All the busy stuff out of the way I have been relaxing a while. Sleeping in until noon sounds nice for a change, but not for long. I know this weekend I'm working morning shifts...woooo...not, but hey its money going towards a car and soon to be apartment. Fuck living at home! Sure I would miss little sis even when she is being a total bitch at times and my dad I would miss greatly. welp not sure what to say about my step mom. That will be a story another day. Jacob is helping me with all of this and...moving in together :) eventually. First step a car. Then apartment. Also I plan on getting better job of better pay, health, dental, and vision. Finally I will find out what is so wrong with my back and get pain medicine for it, and also be able to get braces.

Now....for the nightmares part....They have become so a lucid. I feel as if they tell me stories. Space ships and flying cars. Yes, Yes, movies right? no, you are all very wrong. I would try and describe it to you but no fucking way am I actually able to unless they have invented technology that can go back into my dreams and let others watch on screen tv. Creepy alien creatures, in human disguise. Some how my older brother and his wife had a baby with several heads. very creepy. I went crazy hoping I wouldn't become brain washed as those of my friends and family who got stuck at that place. There were several nightmares of future places with and with out Jacob. The money almost purl
like but not and paper money with no pictures on it. It all glowed this blue color. Also it frightens me of knowing the fear of never seeing Jacob again. Many things become valuable on the brink of loosing it all. Not to mention this weird time lapse thing. I may of been in a world for months or days but back home perhaps an hour or two. I know some may not understand...even my dream self told me that. What has all been happening lately...I'm not going to be surprise if something mysterious or major happens to any of us. Just kind of a for warning all of you.

The Simplicity of Life

Well I'm suppose to do Agar Science project, but I can't print it off in the class room that we cook in. I can't use the other teacher's paper....ugh. I hate my nightmares to be honest. I suppose every does, huh? Sleepless nights come and go, which causes me to actually fall asleep in class. Good thing it's senior year because I already took all my recommended and core classes.  Those few times I ended up falling asleep in Jacob's arms even bad dreams could be vanished in the matter of seconds. 

 The other day I went over to Jacob's house; his best friend, his cousin, and Jacob all decided to headbutt each others heads.....gawd, could I not stop smiling at how ridiculous they were all being but they were my family at heart. I can't wait to get my own house! Us girls in the bedroom gossiping and laughing while the boys be in the front room yelling at each other because of video games. I could actually have friends over without a hassle or have them come over just in general. I wouldn't have to put up with Mother's rude comments or bitchiness. Sure I would have bills to pay and having to buy groceries, but with the help of Jacob and friends we can do this. I trust in them to help out financially and fundamentally. 

Right now I'm slowly paying off medical bills, but thank god to being under my Father's insurance. It paid for most of the cost expenses. Once Jacob puts a ring on it *Smiles and blushes uncontrollably* I would be on his insurance. He mentioned it yesterday to me and I just hugged him while burying my face in his chest. I really don't mean to talk all the time about Jacob but he is just my happy pill that relaxes me on those stressful days. 

I realize I'm just lazy most of the time. Putting on makeup to really trying to understand math is pretty much laziness. I'm understanding math to a certain point, but then I'm lost when nothing is explained to me. Having to work sometimes does get in the way, but right now needing money is more important. To also do my taxes costs a big sum of cash....hopefully he will give me a break because I don't have joint taxes and I work part time. Braums is probably the best restaurant place to work at in Carthage. I love my managers...including the one who got promoted to a higher rank and had to transfer. That sadden all of us. working with the girls or having Brad come back was awesome! Sometimes it can be stressful but in all it's a nice place to work at. In March it would be a year of working at Braums.

I have been writing more in my dairy lately too...back to the good old expressing myself that way. I have a few stories I have written, so I will post them. Probably not this week because it consist of work and doing my taxes....OH YAY! *Major Sarcasm*Probably sometimes next week I will post one of them or both.